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| EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | |
| Alright, so even when I get a normal amount of sleep, I often still get fatigued early in the evening, especially lately. I mean, right now, I could just lie down and take a nap, and I am hardly ever able to take naps (also this would be a bad time to sleep, because I won't be able to sleep when I actually go to bed). I think I may be iron deficient, so I'm going to start taking a supplement for a while and see if that works. I didn't even do anything tiring today, but I went to a barbecue at my aunt&uncle's and could barely stay awake by the end of it, and that's ridiculous.
I got the old Pride & Prejudice movie from the library and watched it this weekend. It is SO GOOD :) I wish I could watch it again, but it's too long to sit through a second time, so I'll have to wait a while before I get it again! I can't decide if I like this one or the new one better.
I have been really really optimistic the last week or so, and that's good. After like, two or three months of being in some kind of slump (?), I'm starting to feel more like myself. It's nice. I feel better.
Still wish I had some more money, though. LOL. I like how my credit card bill and bank account balance cancel each other out . . . . mmmmmyeah. I hate you, school.
Although I DO have good news about that - I have to return two books (one for a class I dropped, and the other was due to one of those 'omg how could ANYONE be THAT stupid' moments when I somehow managed to buy two of the same book . . .yeah) and was worried because I couldn't find the receipt, and I FOUND it today! Thank you Jesus :) | | |
| Since it is long overdue:
I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they'll never see
They don't know something's wrong with me
And just as well, I'll never tell what's underneath the scales
I've worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
Bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I'm never coming back
And if your mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold
The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you
Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Suck the venom from every bite and vomit every drop
Some of us may bite your hand but some of us will not
And every knee will bow before you, each forked tongue confess
My selfishness will rot in me and I will seek your rest
Still some lizards flee from you, ashamed of all they've been
So Jesus take myself from me, never bring it back again
The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name
Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Forgive the basilisk, forgive the moccasins and adders too
Have mercy on each alligator that never lived for you
I myself hatched from an egg, no white light from above
Just another ancient serpent that never earned your love
But still you find me underneath the rocks and in the ground
I cowered there just short of air and never made a sound
It's true that I'm in love with you, and even in my shame
You wipe away the imperfections and take away the pain
You wrap your loving arms around this wretched thing called me
Your love is all I'll ever need, your love has set me free
The truth is only you.
I walk the world on insect legs beneath an unforgiving sun
Eat the dirt throughout my days On the dirt and dirt I come undone
Messiah born in Bethlehem won't find me lying there
The world's too big for him to see me or hear the things I've said
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
I laughed in the keep of a man with a rose my mandibles are caked in trash
Thought you wouldn't recognize me, in the black of soot and ash
Don't turn deaf into my voice, but one thing I want you to know:
I have always loved you though my life has never said so
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
Hold me to you as I pray, Take every other thing away
My heart is breaking out for you, The scales are out of my eyes
--Showbread, "Age of Reptiles" | | |
| Sorry, I have been forgetting important things.
My mom bought a
new Elantra, and sold me her Taurus. YAY I have a car!! (and finally,
one with a cd player. heaven.) sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I will be
pretty poor for a while, but I took a look at things and figured out
that if I don't spend any money whatsoever other than to pay bills for
the next three or four years, I should be okay :) And you can help! Do
NOT let me buy anything, ever! Please, though it will be hard, do not
invite me to go see a movie unless it is at the $2 theatre or a matinee
at a regular one. And if you hear me going on about a pair of shoes I
saw at the store or a new sweater for winter or something, or if I ask
you to go shopping with me, if you could give me a good slap across the
face and scream NO YOU CAN'T YOU IDIOT YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY
MONEY!!!!!!!!!, that would be great. 'Twould be much appreciated.
I got the new Showbread cd, Age of Reptiles. It is SO FREAKING AWESOME. That is all. | | |
| Okay. School.
I suck at life.
Going to school two days after coming back from camp was a rough transition. How the heck am I going to get myself motivated? Even now I am rebelling against the urgency of getting my Spanish homework done, since it's due tomorrow morning, and that's one of my favorite classes!
If I have to do it, I won't want to. If I didn't have to, I would probably want to. If I could learn Spanish by studying on my own, I would do that, and do the same thing for almost every other class. But, you don't get a degree that way. I am suddenly consumed by a feeling of hate for society as a whole.
I am being very weak. I just need to get up and get over it! I can be stronger than that. I can do this. I can get through it. *continues to give self pep talk while moving on*
There are some good things, though. Alexi, my friend from high school, is in my Spanish class! FINALLY! We have been taking the same classes for the last year, but were never in the same section till now. Annnnd NAOMI is in my THEATRE class!! I think that is totally rad. So, my two favorite classes (aka the only ones I care about) come with friends. The others, well. I can do it I can do it I can do it. Kinda wish I believed myself. Or in myself.
And I really am trying not to hate UT. I'm a sophomore now, so I don't have to deal with the feeling of being an awkward little freshman anymore. It helps a little. I am not very brave, I noticed. | | |
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